Discouraging Relief Society Lessons.

Today, I found a piece of paper on the floor of my car.

It looked like this:

It had fallen out of my scriptures after I had put it there a very long time ago. It was from one of the standard Singles Ward Relief Society lessons. Ya know? Those ones where you list every very important detail of what you MUST HAVE in a husband? Yes. It was one of THOSE lists from THOSE lessons.

I had carefully written out every detail: physical appearance, education, career, talents, spirituality, interests, ect. I didn't forget a single thing.

(But then our standard Relief Society teacher threw us a twist.)


The teacher asked us to change our list title from: "FUTURE HUSBAND" to "ME". The point of this was to show us that we need to have everything we expect of our future spouses. We can't expect someone to have all of these attributes if we are not willing or able to gain them ourselves. Which is great! Honestly.

But as I looked through my list today, I was shocked. Horrified. Sick. It hit me. I will never be married. I will never have a husband. How could I expect so much from my spouse?!

I can't grow a mustache.

Hooters.

I really like hot wings. Like. There isn't a plate of hot wings I won't eat.

*sigh of satisfaction*

Lately, I've been way into the Hooters hot sauce. Yes. Yes you can totally buy it at the grocery store. 

HOWEVER, I feel weird when someone walks up to me and says:

"Hey! Those hot wings look good! What's the recipe?"

And I say:

"I just use Hooters."

And they instantly get this image:

"No no no.... you really CAN just buy it at the grocery store."

Flower Power.

I've been getting lots of flowers lately. Which is so so sweet. 

But even sweeter when they come from Neil. Annnnd now we go on a flower tour...

This flower bouquet started out as an illegally picked Sego Lily.
Illegal, because it's the state flower.
State flower, because the pioneers used to eat it.
(Neil informed me)
So I'll go ahead and call this the "Educational Bouquet". 

This next bouquet was a delight.
It came as a surprise when I found out that they had actually been picked from my own yard.
I would have never known.
Even though I DID plant those flowers...
I'll call this bouquet "Need To Do More Yard Work".

This is my newest edition.
From the neighbors yard. And the church across the street.
Neil got caught by a couple walking down the sidewalk.
He told them he was just "borrowing" the flowers for a bit.
So I'll call this the "Borrowed Bouquet". 

These flowers have given me some serious giggles. : ) They are the very best. Thanks, Neil! 

ALSO:

I ate. SPINACH. Out of my. GARDEN.

Yes! My very own garden! All mine!

This is me planting my garden. I'm thrilled.

And I know you're wondering "How did Katie do it?"
Well the obvious answer is... I didn't.
Nate here, did. My bosom buddy has a gardening program.
Which is cool. Because basically, I watched a garden grow.
Tough work.

Thank you Nate! Expect to see peppers, tomatoes, zucchini, MORE spinach and corn.

P.S. My gardens name is CatStache.

Day: Gets weirder.

Ya know when those girl get on facebook and say something like:

"LOL. I just got azzked out by a BUNCH of suuuuuper HOT boyz! LOL!!!!! It's SO FUNNY when hoards of boyzzz ask me ooooout cause they all think I'm super HOOOOTTTT."

Ya know? THOSE girls? That have to proclaim their hot-ness? Or make people aware that people DO ask them out and everyone is way interested? Am I the only one that knows what I'm talking about? Ugh.

Well here is my annoying hot proclamation:


Yesterday, I was hanging out at the DI (totally normal) and some sweaty (I mean, POURING sweat), middle aged, Mexican guy walked up and asked for the time. I gave it to him. He asked my name. I told him. He blurted out his name. Then he goes "Could I get your number?"

This is exactly what he looked like. But we were at the DI.
And He had baggy pants and a shirt on.
And he was sweating puddles.
So. Pretty similar depiction I have here.

Yes! I AM hot, guys. People DO ask me out. And EVERYONE (fat, sweaty, middle aged guys) is into me. So. Be jealous that I attract everyone. (I may or may not be jealous of the girls that brag on facebook.)






NEW SUBJECT:
If you guys ever need help resolving a conflict, I'm the gal to call. Why? I'll tell you why.

I got a call from New York yesterday. Seriously. It was the producer of Divorce Court. Seriously.
He liked the application I sent in last year (still trying to figure that one out...). Seriously.
And although he couldn't use me on Divorce Court, he'd like me to come on a new "Dr. Phil" type talk show to discuss conflict resolution. SERIOUSLY.

I said no. But I'm thinking about calling him back and saying I'd be happy to do it if my ex-husband can come along. Now for those of you who don't know who my ex husband is... I don't either. So I'm hiring Neil to play the part.

Neil claims we sent in the divorce court application together last July. While I don't remember this, he's probably right. We must have thought our relationship would be a lot more advanced at this time.

Ok. Well. That's all.

But seriously. It's in my top 10.

1. Signs- Perhaps because it has the best soundtrack of all times? Maybe I have a "Signs" quote hanging up in my bedroom? Maybe because I'm a goober?

Ok. I do.

2. Napoleon Dynamite-Also, a great soundtrack. I think everyone loved this movie for a short time. And now everyone hates it. Forever. But I still get the warm fuzzies every time I watch it. I'd be ok if my children turned out like Napoleon, Deb and Pedro. No one really wishes for awkward children. But if anyone would know how to raise them... it'd be me.

3. Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theaters-This is a terrible movie. Don't ever watch it. Ever. I was deeply disturbed the night I watched it because I laughed my lungs out. Sorry about that.

4. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind-"How happy is the blameless vestal's lot! The world forgetting, by the world forgot. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! Each prayer accepted, and each wish resigned." -Alexander Pope  

5. Little Miss Sunshine- Terrible. But it has a soft spot in my heart. Soundtrack is even cooler.

6. (500) Days of Summer-Best (not) love story ever. It's true life. I've probably watched those movie more than any other movie.

7. Star Girl-Alright! Ya got me. Not a movie. (It should be though!) But I'm limited on favorite movies and books. So I had to combine a bit. We read this in middle school. I think everyone disliked/hated this book. Especially since Mrs. Hartwell was weird, which made the book weirder. And yes, a bit tacky? Preteen? But I loved it.

8. Big Fish-The only Tim Burton film that doesn't make me want to bash my head against a wall. In fact, its good enough to make me giddy.

9. Into the Wild-Oh Chris. Learn your lesson the hard way. ALSO, good soundtrack.

10.The Village-Tricky, M. Night, tricky! 

Obviously, most of these are not the most prime rating. This blog post is not an invitation to watch them. I'm merely pointing out great movies...with bad ratings.

Hello ALASKA.

I went to Alaska with the wonderful Johnson family. That's right. Just my usual family vacation crashing.

We saw the Tracy Arm Fjord (and the much-smaller-than-our-boat Disney boat)

while hot tubbing (notice how I snuck into the family picture).

We took a train ride (I'm on a train). 

And we met some locals.

We took a floatplane. I even got to be copilot. I helped the pilot fly so much.

The floatplane landed us near a glacier, a cabin and a bear.

We had brunch in the cabin and drank drinks chilled with real live glacier ice. Authentic.

I forced Sarah to give me a bear hug in front of a bear....something I've always wanted.

We did some sight seeing.

It's ok to touch things in Alaska. So I touched ever totem pole I could find.

With (not my) sisters.

We hung out in the space needle

but not before saying goodbye to the ocean.

I almost forgot how adorable everyone thought Neil and I were.
Especially Neil's sisters. They couldn't stop "raving" about getting
to watch us hug and cuddle and snuggle. Lucky them.

THANK YOU JOHNSON'S!

Oh my heck, my mother is so dang cute.

I love her.