That friend you have that is more awkward than yourself.

Setting: LIBRARY. In Passing.

Katie: "Hey Bart*! I had a really crazy dream about you last night!!"

Bart: "Oh really? Was it of us making out??"

*Really.     Awkward.      Pause.*

*Name changed cause he's my facebook friend.




Disclaimer: I only dream of making out with Neil.

On the subject of farts.

I hate farts. I think they're gross. Not cute. Not funny. Gross. And I think it's super immature when people talk about them. But in true Katie fashion, I'm going to continue to get annoyed when other people do it, but do it myself anyway.

Fart discussion, go!

The only people I fart openly in front of are my parents and Neil. Because I know they still have to love me unconditionally after it has cleared.

FARTS IN THE PAST:
In my younger years I would sneak one out next to the nearest kid I didn't like.
Target "Cool Dressed 90's Kid That Everyone Likes and No One Thinks Is Weird".
Release gas near "Cool Dressed 90's Kid That Everyone Likes and No One Thinks Is Weird".
Everyone complains about smell.
Loudly exclaim that I heard "Cool Dressed 90's Kid That Everyone Likes and No One Thinks Is Weird" rip it.
Feel cool.
It was my little way of feeling better about the fact that no one liked me and everyone thought I was weird. It's probably how I survived school. That's also probably how I managed to keep my self esteem in tact...knowing I have the power to blame farts on other people.

Me as the uncool 90's child.
Successful at blaming farts on others.
Dressed as a cat.

FARTS ON THIS DAY:
Today, I let a small one loose while alone on the library elevator. I just had to.
Elevator doors open.
I walk out.
People walk in.
I realize I'm on the wrong floor.
I get back on the same elevator with new elevator companions.
*pause*
10 Awkward Seconds in my newly formed "gas chamber" or...erm... unreasonably slow motioned elevator.

"No I swear. It was that little 90's kid in the corner. Seriously."

Me as an uncool 20-year-old.
Lost touch with blaming capabilities.
Still dressed as a cat??

Creeper Defense.

Oh hey creeper/s.

Whoever the has been INSIDE my house peeking through my window...

Whoever the has been standing in my driveway after I park and get out of my car...

Whoever is undoubtedly unstable and has been showing up at my house asking for me...

You should know that I have mace...

...and a rape key chain with an added skull keychain bonus...

...and I sleep with a baseball bat next to my bed.

Also I have a knife somewhere which I can't seem to currently find.

BUT

Try and touch me. I dare you. See what happens.

But really, I'm too busy right now. I've got too much to do. And while smashing a creepers knee caps would only take me seconds... I'd prefer to do it after this semester is over. So just hold off for a bit. Thanks.

One of those "best day ever" type of things.

1. I got released from my Linger Longer calling. In a nut shell, I feed lots of people twice a month in hopes of the end result being: People Fall In Love And Start Baby Making. And while this calling really is fine. With the exception of people complaining: "I hate potatoes." "You got me excited for this?" "Can we have something that is an actual meal? Cookies are too sugary." It was getting old.

Best. Day. Ever.

2. A commercial blew my mind. I'm watching TV. This commercial comes on:

A. I love everything about Victoria's Secret. Looove it.
B. I love everything about M83 - Midnight City. Which is the song they used.
With their powers combine...they make my jaw literally drop. Literally. There's something about good underwear and good music that just make me giddy.

Best. Day. Ever.

3. I made a cake. Like a legit cake. One that actually looks just like the recipe picture.  It tastes good. AND looks good. It's in an effort to become more domesticated so that my fiance oh my gosh I said the F-word doesn't...starve. So now... I can cook cake. That's good. Cake for dinner! ...and lunch and breakfast. Snack too.

Best. Day. Ever.