Thursday, October 6, 2011


Have you ever been on Don't. It's mostly a slimy little website. BUT it is devoted to conversations that became awkward after someone's iphone auto-corrected what they were TRYING to say.

For Example:

Ha HA Ho ho! That was funny right? See that little auto-correct mistake that TOTALLY changed the meaning of the sentence?

Well, lucky for me I'm not cool enough to own a smartphone. I'm not even cool enough to desire a smart phone. So while everyone else deals with these horrible auto-correct mishaps, I'm safe. Right? Soooo wrong. Because while everyone deals with these embarrassing little auto-correct mistakes, I'm busy dealing with a much bigger issue: Auto-Correct of the Human Mouth.

A Two-Act Play by Katie Jane Elliott:
Evil Katie Jane and the Sweet, Darling Family
Scene: I was helping a family today at work... a sweet, darling family. 

Sweet, Darling Mother: Hi! Can you help me with some questions I have about shoes?
Evil Katie Jane: Sure!
Sweet, Darling Mother: Well, my Chaco shoes hurt my feet! But I don't know why.
Evil Katie Jane: (Here we insert a slang word for a male appendage, instead of the word Chaco.)          *pause* (Here Katie stops to think "Oh my gosh did I just say that, instead of Chaco??")
Sweet, Darling Mother: (Mouth slowly drops open. Her eyes widen a bit.)
Sweet, Darling Father: (Head shoots up to look at me in surprise.)
Sweet, Darling Children: (Look around in confusion. They don't know what the pause is for or what is going on, or what that word means...yet.)
-----------*Pause of Eternity*-----------(Like long enough for an intermission)-------
Evil Katie Jane: Oh..................... Um.... Well like I was saying those shoes sometimes (here is where I begin to smile) hurt your feet if you're wearing the wrong size (here is where I begin to giggle but try so incredibly hard to be mature and hold it in) or some peoples arches are just bothered by the shape of the shoe blah blah blah..... 
Sweet, Darling Family: (Baffled.)
Evil Katie Jane: (Instant Creeper, Jerk, Mind Polluter.) 
Sweet, Darling Family: (No longer needs help.) They can find help in a more family friendly environment. Hmph!

It. Was. An. Accident.

F You Auto Correct....


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