Steve turbo crawls.

Went to Moab this weekend to do Granary Canyon.

We brought Kyle and Steve. Steve was super excited to be canyoneering for his first time. He bought all new gear.

Including:
ADVENTURE PANTS!!!!

So basically he was set to canyoneer. Am I right? Yes. Yes I'm right.

So we all put our adventure clothes on and climbed down into Granary Canyon.

And then we repelled down our first repel of the canyon.

And then Kyle jumped down from a 6 foot ledge.

And then Steve jumped down a 6 foot ledge.

And then Steve couldn't stand up.

Sooo.... we went back up the canyon. Which is really hard to do considering you're supposed to go down a canyon.

So Neil had to climb this lil spot which we had just repelled. And climb he did. Sexily too.

And then ascend we did. Sexily. To follow Neils example.

And then we strapped knee pads to Steve so he could turbo crawl. Notice how bummed Steve looks. And his sad little adventure pants. Also notice how pretty Neil's hair is.

And then Steve crawled like he'd never crawled before. But seriously. He's speedy.

Here we'll pause so you can notice what a cute couple Neil and I are. Steve crawling away in the background.

And now we'll get back to the crawling. And Neil tugging on Steve with a leash.

And Kyle butt pushing.

And all 3 of the boys doing a bit of this.

So 4 hours of crawling, a really good piggy back ride from Kyle, and an offer of ice cream on the ride home later... Steve got checked into the hospital.

And then 3 hours later, we learned he'd broken one ankle in 2 spots and sprained the other one. We couldn't fit the wheelchair in car unfortunately. But we COULD fit Lortab in the car. Which is what Steve enjoyed the whole way home.

The pills made him feel happy. And the ice cream he asked for made him feel happy. On the inside.

And seeing Steve happy made us happy. Trip success.

All about my moms neck.

My mother informed me today that she his taking a strong dose of medication in hopes of healing scar tissue in her throat. Ok.

I'm not really sure how she got scar tissue in her throat. But this is what she described is going on:

If this medication doesn't work, doctors will have to perform a tricky surgery to remove the scar tissue so she can do vital things. Like breath and stuff.

So basically, if this medicine doesn't work, my mom could have the following side effects:

A hole in her neck.

Darth Vadar throat noises.

Or complete removal of neck.

While all of these symptoms may seem scary or really cool (depending on who you are) my mom is getting really excited about the potential symptoms.

"NECK HOLE?! Sign me up!"

She informed me that she is going to take up smoking. Just so she can fit that cigarette in her little neck hole. Like all the other people do that have a neck hole.

We may or may not have made up or own side effects... And we may or may not specialize in morbidity... And my mother may or may not be a "badass".


Actually, yea. She's a badass.

A bad hair day.

I was having a bad hair day. It's true. And it's my fault because I had chosen not to shower my hair.

So when I went to get a new drivers license... and I had to get a new picture taken... I didn't expect it to look good.

But... when I really looked closely at the temporary license they printed out for me. I was kinda surprised.

Seriously the picture printed on
my drivers license.

I look like a man.

Always. Wash. Your. Hair.