So My Mom is Falling Apart: Part II

My mom had surgery on her knee for something or other. Since her body IS falling apart, it's hard to keep track of what is happening to what part of her body. But I try.



This is the knee. The picture is fuzzy and upside down.
But you get the point.



















Here are my moms crutches. She sent me this picture because
she knows I've ALWAYS wanted crutches.
Just rubbing it in my face a 'lil.



















My mom's going to be sitting around healing up for a few days. And who better to take care of her, pamper her and nurse her back to health, than my dad? Am I right? Am I right??

Mmmmmm............... .   .    .

When my mom made it home today from surgery, my cute little dad quickly began his duties as "Kathy Caretaker". He left for the kitchen to whip up my sweet mother some lunch.

15 minutes later he came back with toast.

Toast.

Toast.

Toast. For lunch.

I'm just gonna throw this out there...   If any of you are in the general Star Valley, WY area...  And happen to have some butter on hand. Or maybe some cinnamon sugar. Jam? Jelly? Heck. She's even been wanting to give Nutella a try. Anything really. Just drop some by. Maybe?

Toast is going to be the main ingredient/dish for the next few days and she could use some help jazzing it up.

Especially since that's all her caretaker really knows how to fix (in 15 minutes).

Kthanxbye.

Mug Meals are for lonely people.

While Neil was gone, I decided to make mug meals. For all of my meals. They're cool cause they're one serving. It's kinda classy. And kinda white trash. A perfect contradiction. And a perfect meal for a lonely person. Heck mug meals pretty much make being lonely awesome.

Mug French Toast.

Mug French Toast Recipe


1 Egg
Some bread

Stuff some bread down in a mug. Crack an egg over it.
Microwave it. Pour some syrup on that shiz.


Eat it.

Coffee Cake.

Mug Coffee Cake Recipe

Google Mug Coffee Cake Recipe.


Follow recipe.


Eat it.

Tator Tots and Fish Sticks

Mug Tator Tots and Fish Sticks

Some fish sticks
Some tator tots


This one is super easy. Cook the tator tots and fish sticks in an oven.
Pour the tator tots and fish sticks in a mug. 


Apply condiments.


Eat it.

Lonely Inspirationals.

I'm really lonely. My husband left to go on a 3 day river Canoeing trip with his Cousin Garret in Wyoming. I'm jealous much. But more lonely than anything. And bored.

And what do I do when I'm bored? Pintrest. Now I'm not super proud to admit I use pintrest. It's kinda lame. I try to pretend I'm too cool for it. And I don't like people following my pins. And I don't really get how to use it. And I'll forever love facebook more. BUT when you're desperately bored (ex: facebook has nothing good, you have to work an extra hour at work, you're lonely and don't have friends) it's time to pop out the pintrest.

And that I did. With my first search being 'lonely'. (See how lonely I am??)

AND LOOK WHAT I FOUND!! 
Lonely quotes and pictures. That people...actually come up with. And pin on pintrest. 

Sooo TRUE!!! Am I right ladies?! You think you've got your
man and then he leaves. For a few days.
SO. DIFFICULT. TO. DEAL. WITH.

GAH! Pintrest just knows what I'm thinking and feeling.
It's like having a best friend that finishes your sentences.

A really great tattoo idea.

It's so crazy that this was on pintrest under the lonely
category. Cause this is the exact same thing I did when
Neil left. Did that for hours.

See?

Personal favorite. Because I've been wondering this all day.
Starting from the moment I pulled out my hidden stash of
cigs as soon as Neil drove away.

But before you think I'm desperately lonely and creepy. Don't get weirded out. It's ok. I'm ok.

I can't hang out with Neil. But I CAN hang out with his shirt.

I'm cuddling while Neil(s shirt) works on his computer.

See? Everything's ok.

Rain Puddle Strip Tease.

It rained today. And that means rain puddles. I know. You know. We're all aware of the puddles.  What you may be unaware of is how cool puddle jumping really is. It should be an extreme sport. And I should be the world champion. Cause I'd like to be. It'd just make me feel good.

I begged Neil to go puddle jumping with me. He declined. But since he knew I'd be lonely, and since I make puddle jumping look soo o o good, he stood far off to the side and took pictures.

I started with a full outfit. Sexy.

Mm mm. Would you look at those Keens? So sexy. I can hardly stand it.

Ok ok. Ya got me. Though comfortable, the Keens aren't sexy. So I took them off.

And then all of a sudden, it was like, if the shoes come off, everything else had to come off. Pop! Into thin air my clothes went. And I was left, momentarily suspended in the air, with my mothers swimsuit which she wore in the 80's. Since I desperately needed a new swimsuit, I made her mail it to me. And ever since I have patiently waited for the day when I could gallop around in my matronly, yet sexy, one piece. And today was that day.

Unfortunately however, I suspect the swimsuit's "shelf bra" probably gave out somewhere in the mid 90's. Which left my dangles...danglin'. Unsupportive swimsuits. Not sexy.

So if you know me very well, you know what my last/favorite resort was. 

Nude puddle jumping.

Ok ok. I lied. Though nude puddle jumping would be my favorite/last resort. We ACTUALLY took Neils last resort option.

And he only took pictures from the knees down. 

Crazy.

I was informed this week by my classmates that we had a book report due.

ON AN ENTIRE BOOK.

Cool. Backwards. But you get the point.

Or do you?

I hate reading. Reading is informative.

And I don't like being informed.

Especially when the book is about mental illness. And shares individual stories of people and how they went totally nuts thinking people where following them and the CIA was sending them secret messages. I had no idea this was like...a real thing. Like I said. Let me live naive. In this situation especially. Because now... I feel very unsure of myself.

Most examples in the book began their mental health battles in their early 20's. Which is not an uncommon age for schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, ect. to surface.

I'M IN MY EARLY 20's.

So:
Driving home from work last night, I'm pretty sure I saw a furry mountain goat in the road. Hallucination? Or maybe a government spy?

Last night I turned the lights off and went to climb into bed when I saw a tall skinny shape in my window. Curtains? Or maybe a government spy?

In the middle of the night I woke up to scratching. On our head board. I looked around but I couldn't see anyone scratching our head board. I'm now fairly certain it was a government spy. A mountain goat government spy that happens to be tall and skinny and have fingernails. Trying to send me a secret code that only I could understand.

I have to go finish reading my book now. But I'm scared to. Because there is probably a hidden code in there for me. That only I can understand. And then the safety of the world is going to rest in my hands.

Yo. This is the real deal. Not a face-in-holed, face-in-holed
picture of a mountain goat with fingernails following me.

This is a guest review of "The Lazy Lizard" in Moab, UT.

This weekend we went on a trip to Moab to do Granary Canyon. And Granary canyon we did. See here:

That's Bryan with me. Just making sure he doesn't fall to
the big boulders below.

All of us at the top while Daina repels.

Dakota modeling some water.

After we finished, everyone wanted a shower. So Neil suggested we sleep at a hostel for the night. Yay. I immediately did not want a shower.

Buuuut we ended up at the lazy lizard anyway.

And this is the part where I wanted to die. Kill me dead. Because if there's one thing that creeps the crap outta me, it's hotels. Add an extra "s" and it makes hoStels. And that little "s" makes life significantly worse. Panic attack mode. Go!

But being the tough girl I am, I took it like a man. And became roommates with Neil, Bryan and Dakota.

The gentleman at the front desk was very nice. He was definitely high. Very high. Fried. Sizzled. Gone-zo. Stoned. But very pleasant nonetheless. And informative. He informed us that we were not allowed to bring a sleepingbag or pillow inside. Due to bed bugs. Fantastic. He gave us the key to our room and up the stairs we went.

"Welcome to my dusty hell hostel."

The room was nicely decorated. Fantastic pictures. Great mood lighting. And thank goodness for the milk crates underneath our bed to hold us up. Also the bedding was clean and crisp...y.

Soft chairs.

Super great decor.

The hostel got even better with my shower. The women's shower was truly a delight.

Took me a second to find a spot on the shower
curtain that I could touch without getting
a handful of mildew. But I totally got it.

There were a variety of soaps and shampoos to choose from. All of which were empty. But don't fret. I got an amazing "rinse off". In my socks.

Soap selection. Left by previous tenants. 

A nice bathroom closet filled with all
the essentials.

My threadbare towel. But who cares when it
has all your favorite Space Jam characters on it.

When it was time for bed I pulled my hood over my head, and wrapped my body up as much as possible in order to prevent any skin from contacting the bedding. Ya know. To avoid bed bugs from transferring back and forth from sheets to skin.

I lay perfectly still. All night. Perfectly. Still.

Everyone slept great. Minus me. Maybe because I wasn't actually a man. The hostel knew I was a poser.

All in all, as far as ratings go, I'd give the Lazy Lizard 0 stars out of 5.

But I will give them 1 lizard.... in fact, I'll even give them 1 whole LAZY lizard rating.

Thanks Lazy Lizard.

That was an exquisite time.

Steve turbo crawls.

Went to Moab this weekend to do Granary Canyon.

We brought Kyle and Steve. Steve was super excited to be canyoneering for his first time. He bought all new gear.

Including:
ADVENTURE PANTS!!!!

So basically he was set to canyoneer. Am I right? Yes. Yes I'm right.

So we all put our adventure clothes on and climbed down into Granary Canyon.

And then we repelled down our first repel of the canyon.

And then Kyle jumped down from a 6 foot ledge.

And then Steve jumped down a 6 foot ledge.

And then Steve couldn't stand up.

Sooo.... we went back up the canyon. Which is really hard to do considering you're supposed to go down a canyon.

So Neil had to climb this lil spot which we had just repelled. And climb he did. Sexily too.

And then ascend we did. Sexily. To follow Neils example.

And then we strapped knee pads to Steve so he could turbo crawl. Notice how bummed Steve looks. And his sad little adventure pants. Also notice how pretty Neil's hair is.

And then Steve crawled like he'd never crawled before. But seriously. He's speedy.

Here we'll pause so you can notice what a cute couple Neil and I are. Steve crawling away in the background.

And now we'll get back to the crawling. And Neil tugging on Steve with a leash.

And Kyle butt pushing.

And all 3 of the boys doing a bit of this.

So 4 hours of crawling, a really good piggy back ride from Kyle, and an offer of ice cream on the ride home later... Steve got checked into the hospital.

And then 3 hours later, we learned he'd broken one ankle in 2 spots and sprained the other one. We couldn't fit the wheelchair in car unfortunately. But we COULD fit Lortab in the car. Which is what Steve enjoyed the whole way home.

The pills made him feel happy. And the ice cream he asked for made him feel happy. On the inside.

And seeing Steve happy made us happy. Trip success.