Roller Skatin' Buddy.

I've recently become a big fan of roller skating. It's so cool. Every Tuesday night 8-11 at the Fun Center. Be there. Anyway. The past couple of times I've been there I've noticed a guy that looks super familiar.

Old.

Balding.

Plump.

Kinda like this guy. Minus the hat.

Um. He's one of my old coworkers from Lowe's. Quiet. Seems pretty grumpy. Not into the young, fun-loving scene at all. BUT as far as roller skating goes? He's pretty good. And he gets pretty into it.
I. Would. Have. Never. Guessed.

And tonight I leave with a blown mind, a happy heart and a new hero. Goodnight.

FYouAutoCorrect.

Have you ever been on FYouAutoCorrect.com? Don't. It's mostly a slimy little website. BUT it is devoted to conversations that became awkward after someone's iphone auto-corrected what they were TRYING to say.

For Example:

Ha HA Ho ho! That was funny right? See that little auto-correct mistake that TOTALLY changed the meaning of the sentence?

Well, lucky for me I'm not cool enough to own a smartphone. I'm not even cool enough to desire a smart phone. So while everyone else deals with these horrible auto-correct mishaps, I'm safe. Right? Soooo wrong. Because while everyone deals with these embarrassing little auto-correct mistakes, I'm busy dealing with a much bigger issue: Auto-Correct of the Human Mouth.

A Two-Act Play by Katie Jane Elliott:

Evil Katie Jane and the Sweet, Darling Family

Scene: I was helping a family today at work... a sweet, darling family. 

Sweet, Darling Mother: Hi! Can you help me with some questions I have about shoes?

Evil Katie Jane: Sure!

Sweet, Darling Mother: Well, my Chaco shoes hurt my feet! But I don't know why.

Evil Katie Jane: (Here we insert a slang word for a male appendage, instead of the word Chaco.)          *pause* (Here Katie stops to think "Oh my gosh did I just say that, instead of Chaco??")

Sweet, Darling Mother: (Mouth slowly drops open. Her eyes widen a bit.)

Sweet, Darling Father: (Head shoots up to look at me in surprise.)

Sweet, Darling Children: (Look around in confusion. They don't know what the pause is for or what is going on, or what that word means...yet.)

-----------*Pause of Eternity*-----------(Like long enough for an intermission)-------

Evil Katie Jane: Oh..................... Um.... Well like I was saying those shoes sometimes (here is where I begin to smile) hurt your feet if you're wearing the wrong size (here is where I begin to giggle but try so incredibly hard to be mature and hold it in) or some peoples arches are just bothered by the shape of the shoe blah blah blah..... 

Sweet, Darling Family: (Baffled.)

Evil Katie Jane: (Instant Creeper, Jerk, Mind Polluter.) 

Sweet, Darling Family: (No longer needs help.) They can find help in a more family friendly environment. Hmph!

It. Was. An. Accident.

F You Auto Correct....

Hierarchy of People I Hate On Campus.

Sometimes, people bug me. Sometimes, people on campus bug me. Sometimes (today) I am inspired to drop out so I can follow a dropouts dreams and NOT have to deal with these people.

Hierarchy of Campus Travelers:
1. People of Walking Descent

Aw. Look how hot she is! The hottest
people walk (like me, right? maybe?).

2. Those That Bike

Ignore the fact that this is clearly Miley
Cyrus. Ok. Now. Bikers are cool.

3. Skateboarders

They're hot (no, not as hot as Neil), and they usually
know what they're doing.

4. Longboarders

Longboarders are at a 50/50 point right now.
Half of the USU campus knows how to longboard.
And the other half is just painful to watch.
Cause they don't know what they're doing.
Or how to stop.
Also, -10 points if you use a stick.
You're lazy.

5. Those That Are Talented At Scootering

Do you remember that time you got a scooter when you were
5? Do you remember that time that you realized you're now
20-something? Yea, most people on campus haven't
 realized that either. 

6. He/She Who Must Unicycle

Blah. I swear no one cares that you only
have one wheel. Also, no one is impressed
when you fall on other humans.

7. Those That Ripstick

"Oh hey there! I'm just walking on
the sidewalk. In a straight line.
I hope I'm not in the way of your
wobbling... Sorry about that."

8. The Stand Up Tricycle Guy
There's really no picture to describe this guy.
But I will say this: Huge Tricycle. Takes up
the entire sidewalk. Forces everyone else to 
walk on grass. Thanks, Tricycle man. Really.

Let's Revolutionize the way we walk. Ok?

So I hate walking from campus to home. Bleh. But today I realized that we all do something funny when we walk.

See this? See how my right foot is out and my left arm is swinging out at the same time? I promise, seconds later my left foot and right arm will be out. We all do it.

WHY DO WE DO IT??

 

I'm sure there's a logical, biological, Newtons laws of motion, yada yada yada, reason for it. But I'm still saying "No more." Time for a walking revolution.

REFER TO IMAGES FOR THE WALKING REVOLUTION:

1. Left foot out, left arm out.

2. Right foot out, right arm out. 

I tried this new walking style out as I walked the rest of the way home today. Success. I tripped a few times. But for the most part, people were pretty impressed. I could just tell.

You can join too. Revolutionize something for the better. That's what we're supposed to be doing in our young, prime youth. Making the world a better place. Making the world a better place to WALK.

Life Calling. Found.

This is inappropriate for facebook. Probably too inappropriate to post here as well. Meh. Stick your small children in a safe closet somewhere before attempting to view this.


Click Here to View Heather.










That's right kids. I'm going to be a Taxidermy Model.

Just Friends

I've always REALLY enjoyed "friend zone". Do I want to be your girlfriend? Never. But I WILL be your friend! Maybe.

Story time:

Once upon a time, I noticed that a boy at school was watching me. Not like "Girl, I'm checkin' you out!" watching. But the "I'm standing behind a pole and hoping you don't notice that I'm totally lurking 10 feet away from you" watching. This continued for about a week with variations in structures to lurk behind (Ex: "I'm sitting behind a bench and hoping you don't notice that I'm totally lurking 10 feet away from you." OR "I'm sitting in your music practice room with your violin. You left to get a drink. I just turned the lights out and sat in the corner. I'm waiting for you to come back. Oh, and I'm hoping you don't notice I'm here."). Now my little (NOT actually little at all) lurky friend had some...different things going on. He punched windows out at school... sometimes. And he heard satan in his head telling him to do stuff... lots of times.  So when he finally got up the courage to come out from behind his lurking spot and ask me to the Homecoming dance... I....wasn't sure... if that was his idea...or satans. Either way, God was on top of that already and had found me a date 2 weeks previously.


Now I'd LOVE to share more stories. Because believe me. I have them. My current issue, however, is I'm afraid my other "stories" happen to be followers of this blog. So if you're reading this and you're thinking:

"Ha Ha Ha! Katie and I had some lurky times!" OR "Me and Katie are 'Just Friends'"

Then chances are: I have a lurky story about you. Sorry.

Now. Neil? In his little boy shorts? His long pointy nose hair? His Indian Jones hat? Muscle tight shirt?  Super "Friend Zone" potential? That's what I was going for. Sure didn't happen that way now did it? Cause he's so gosh darn cute I can hardly stand it. I love this boy.

Friend Zone? Neil? Never. This boy don't DO friend zone.

This is a White Limo.

This is the ever-so-popular Wild Bill.

This is the Logan Temple.

This is me (a while ago with shorter hair).
What do all these things have in common? I dunno. But these pictures summarize my night. So. That was weird.