Friday, October 28, 2011

Sidenote.


The fabulous Levi Sims allowed Jane, Abby, and I to model for the photography class he was teaching. We had to beg. But here was the result:

While I'm pretty upset that I look very homeless and unkept in this picture, I'm mostly upset about the fact that my favorite upper lip mole is edited out. How. Dare. You. 

For reals now. I'm looking for uglier friends.

I really should be a detective.

So you may have heard that my wallet was stolen (in a sense.... like, I definitely didn't leave it on top of my car and drive away in the middle of the Salt Lake Ghetto-homeless-tastic area. I mean, who would be stupid enough to do that??).

So when I ran into the 7-Eleven to buy snacks for work today, I had to bring my checkbook, the only remaining source of money I have.

"Heh. Heh. I only have checks! My wallet was stolen
the other day."















"It was stolen?! That's awful! Who does that these days?"
(Dead Serious. That's what he said.)





















5 PROBLEMS WITH CASHIER'S RESPONSE:
1. He looked like he'd stolen a few wallets in his day (maybe, oh I dunno, on Tuesday night in the Salt Lake Ghetto-homeless-tastic area??)
2. His response was VERY sarcastic. (Sarcastic people steal things.) 
3. He was definitely making fun of me. (Mean people steal things too.)
4. After his response, he asked for my ID, which ho ho he he ha ha....is in my wallet. (Which he stole.)
    Which brings me to 5.
5. I'm now positive this man stole my wallet.

"You. Jerk."











Monday, October 17, 2011

Gang Banger.

Today in class we talked about gangs.  So I went home and educated myself more on the subject.

Disclaimer: If you are a gang member just checking up on all your favorite blogs, please note that I am not affiliated with any gang. Nor do I want to be. Nor do I want to be a target for gang violence. Stay away. Thanks in advance. 


I wondered what gangsters do in their free time. Ya know, when they're not dealing drugs, burglarizing, killing, shooting things, scaring people, talkin' gangsta, ya know, the typical gangsta stuff....

The answer?
Watch What Gangsters Do In Their Free Time Here.

Very nice, no? I mean, I find it kinda awesome. "Hi. I'm a gang member. Some of my hobbies include terrorizing my community and making dance videos for youtube." Ah yes. I never knew. Sometimes gangsters...get bored.

And so do I. So how bout this?

video



Dead serious. I learned this in 30 seconds off a dance tutorial.
About my outfit:
Notice I wore a red shirt with a blue bandanna. 
Then I added a purple hat for extra neutrality. 
Also, my diamond studs are fake. So hands off. 
Bonus, I tried to keep my hand signs as neutral as possible.


About My New-Found Dance Skills:
I learned this from some kid on youtube.
I'm pretty sure he's not affiliated with a gang. He just wishes he was.
Also, I'm pretty sure he mislead me. 
But that's what the youtube kid said. So I followed.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Roller Skatin' Buddy.

I've recently become a big fan of roller skating. It's so cool. Every Tuesday night 8-11 at the Fun Center. Be there. Anyway. The past couple of times I've been there I've noticed a guy that looks super familiar.

Old.

Balding.

Plump.

Kinda like this guy. Minus the hat.


















Um. He's one of my old coworkers from Lowe's. Quiet. Seems pretty grumpy. Not into the young, fun-loving scene at all. BUT as far as roller skating goes? He's pretty good. And he gets pretty into it.
I. Would. Have. Never. Guessed.

And tonight I leave with a blown mind, a happy heart and a new hero. Goodnight.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

FYouAutoCorrect.

Have you ever been on FYouAutoCorrect.com? Don't. It's mostly a slimy little website. BUT it is devoted to conversations that became awkward after someone's iphone auto-corrected what they were TRYING to say.

For Example:



Ha HA Ho ho! That was funny right? See that little auto-correct mistake that TOTALLY changed the meaning of the sentence?

Well, lucky for me I'm not cool enough to own a smartphone. I'm not even cool enough to desire a smart phone. So while everyone else deals with these horrible auto-correct mishaps, I'm safe. Right? Soooo wrong. Because while everyone deals with these embarrassing little auto-correct mistakes, I'm busy dealing with a much bigger issue: Auto-Correct of the Human Mouth.

A Two-Act Play by Katie Jane Elliott:
Evil Katie Jane and the Sweet, Darling Family
Scene: I was helping a family today at work... a sweet, darling family. 

Sweet, Darling Mother: Hi! Can you help me with some questions I have about shoes?
Evil Katie Jane: Sure!
Sweet, Darling Mother: Well, my Chaco shoes hurt my feet! But I don't know why.
Evil Katie Jane: (Here we insert a slang word for a male appendage, instead of the word Chaco.)          *pause* (Here Katie stops to think "Oh my gosh did I just say that, instead of Chaco??")
Sweet, Darling Mother: (Mouth slowly drops open. Her eyes widen a bit.)
Sweet, Darling Father: (Head shoots up to look at me in surprise.)
Sweet, Darling Children: (Look around in confusion. They don't know what the pause is for or what is going on, or what that word means...yet.)
-----------*Pause of Eternity*-----------(Like long enough for an intermission)-------
Evil Katie Jane: Oh..................... Um.... Well like I was saying those shoes sometimes (here is where I begin to smile) hurt your feet if you're wearing the wrong size (here is where I begin to giggle but try so incredibly hard to be mature and hold it in) or some peoples arches are just bothered by the shape of the shoe blah blah blah..... 
Sweet, Darling Family: (Baffled.)
Evil Katie Jane: (Instant Creeper, Jerk, Mind Polluter.) 
Sweet, Darling Family: (No longer needs help.) They can find help in a more family friendly environment. Hmph!

It. Was. An. Accident.

F You Auto Correct....

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Hierarchy of People I Hate On Campus.

Sometimes, people bug me. Sometimes, people on campus bug me. Sometimes (today) I am inspired to drop out so I can follow a dropouts dreams and NOT have to deal with these people.

Hierarchy of Campus Travelers:
1. People of Walking Descent
Aw. Look how hot she is! The hottest
people walk (like me, right? maybe?).



















2. Those That Bike
Ignore the fact that this is clearly Miley
Cyrus. Ok. Now. Bikers are cool.



















3. Skateboarders
They're hot (no, not as hot as Neil), and they usually
know what they're doing.














4. Longboarders
Longboarders are at a 50/50 point right now.
Half of the USU campus knows how to longboard.
And the other half is just painful to watch.
Cause they don't know what they're doing.
Or how to stop.
Also, -10 points if you use a stick.
You're lazy.


















5. Those That Are Talented At Scootering
Do you remember that time you got a scooter when you were
5? Do you remember that time that you realized you're now
20-something? Yea, most people on campus haven't
 realized that either. 

















6. He/She Who Must Unicycle
Blah. I swear no one cares that you only
have one wheel. Also, no one is impressed
when you fall on other humans.






















7. Those That Ripstick
"Oh hey there! I'm just walking on
the sidewalk. In a straight line.
I hope I'm not in the way of your
wobbling... Sorry about that."




















8. The Stand Up Tricycle Guy
There's really no picture to describe this guy.
But I will say this: Huge Tricycle. Takes up
the entire sidewalk. Forces everyone else to 
walk on grass. Thanks, Tricycle man. Really.